I began classes back at school today. Man did it feel good to get back there! I am in Pathology on Mondays and Wednesday, with one of my favorite teachers. My Tues/Thurs class is the one that scares me. Exercise training. Yikes! I've been doing a couple of workout videos here at home, and endurance is not my strong suit. So I have no idea what to expect tomorrow. Hopefully it goes well. I need to call the doctor's office and get an inhaler before I go to class.

I am going to have to work harder to eat at home with my schedule so full. I have class Mon-Thurs from 6pm-10pm. Tuesdays from 2-11pm I also have my friend's little boy. Wed, Thurs, and Fri my husband is home during the day, which means we are usually working on something around the house or just hanging out as a family. Fridays I have my friend's son from 2-7:30pm and on Saturday from 7:30am-3:30pm.

I am not worrying about it as much this week, since I am finishing up my last week at the portrait studio as well. So things are extra crazy. I am looking up slow cooker recipes. Both for breakfast and supper. That way Kelton can have breakfast when he gets home, even if we aren't up yet. That is, if he'll eat what I make! He's the pickiest eater of us all. I have steel cut oats and know I've seen some recipes to make them in the slow cooker. Roasts are a huge family favorite as well.

I am getting impatient that I haven't gotten a reply from the city about keeping chickens. I'm almost to the point of taking their lack of interest as permission! I mean, they apparently don't care enough to fire off a quick "No! Don't do it" email. I plan on checking to see if the library has a copy of city code on file, and maybe giving one more call to city hall. Otherwise, I think once the weather is warmer and we've found a doghouse, we'll be in the backyard building a coop!

Speaking of weather- I am so ready for it to warm up! I love autumn, but not winter weather. And certainly not in April!!! Spring, where are you? Please hurry up and arrive; there are lots of us here in the Omaha area who are looking forward to getting out in the great outdoors and ejoying nature. And not risking hypothermia to do so. kthnxbai!

Lately, I feel like I've been completely torn between the world I live in and the world I desire to live in. A world that is simple, a world from long ago. I am sitting here, watching a DVD on my laptop, writing in this blog while an oil lamp (homemade with a wick, mason jar, and oil) lights the living room. What an odd picture!

I have a pretty normal suburban life. House, dogs, kids, etc. We have the flat screen TV and the PS3, computers, mp3 players, the works. But while I enjoy the luxuries I have, I strive for simpler times. I enjoy things like baking my own bread, hanging laundry on the line (not doing dishes; I am looking forward to the dishwasher getting installed!). I look forward to expanding this into learning to sew so I can make things we need around the house. Growing our own food, raising chickens, and reducing our dependence on commercial products are all things I strive to do. I have given up commercial body soaps and shampoos/conditioners. I am planting a garden, though it's survival is still questionable as my thumb has proven to be more black than green in the past!

I've started reading my bible again. Oh, does it feel great to get back into the Word of God! It's amazing how when I am right with God, the rest of life seems to fall into place a little better. I feel a little lighter. My burdens aren't necessarily gone, but I am comforted knowing they are not mine alone and that I have a Savior watching over me. And I feel that He is a part of the changes I desire. That He is calling our family to living with a goal of simplicity and sustainability.

And while I would ultimately love the idea of an off-grid life. I know that's not necessarily what my husband wants. So while spending time with the Lord, and I relearning all the things the pastor discussed with us before we were married. That marriage includes the marrying of dreams and plans. And that, while my dreams are relevant, ultimately it is Kelton's decision the direction our family heads. While this doesn't play well to my incredibly large stubborn streak, it has been a relief. I tend to feel that ALL of the responsibility in the world is mine, and bear full weight of any burdens. Knowing that God Himself has said that no, it isn't that way, gives me permission to relax and defer to the head of the household.

That was something I struggled with when we were getting married. The idea of submission. I looked at it as caving in. Constantly fufilling the whims and desires of the husband while mine were on a backburner. How wrong I was! In reality, we have a very equal marriage. At least in my opinion. We work together to make all the decisions in the house. It just happens to be that if there is an area we cannot come to a compromise on (and I can only think of one in the almost six years of marriage), that the ultimate decision rests with Kelton. As much as I submit to him, he respects me and looks to me to help make the decisions that affect our family. Most of the parenting decisions have been solely mine; or at least doing the research that has gone into those decisions. The daily running of the household is my responsibility as well. But I know if I need his help, he is there to provide assistance and guidance.

Not really sure where I'm going with this, just wanted to share some recent discoveries.

A completely health/wellness focused post...

I got Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease workout DVD from NetFlix and finally started to use it. OMG is it hard to do!!! I got through the warm-up (intro warm-up, and the warm-up routine without instruction) and ALMOST through the entire first routine. And I am breathless. I suck at most of the moves, but I'm working on it. Most of the moves were things we did in the African tribal dancing thing at the success strategies seminar at school. It's a lot less embarrassing when you're not surrounded by 30 strangers. And, no, this doesn't mean I'm going to reconsider careers and become a stripper! I just needed a fun dance video to keep me motivated, and one that uses lots of stretching and hip movements is actually good for keeping my legs and core strong for massage.

I don't have a goal weight in mind. At all. I'd love to fit into my size 4 Old Navy jeans again (where I was at when I got pregnant with Reese), and be more toned overall. Mainly because I'm running out of jeans that fit that aren't getting holes in them! LOL But, honestly, I don't care if my weight/clothing size ever moves as long as I am healthier. I'm working on eating healthier, choosing lean proteins (must remember that Bakers sells buffalo meat!), and eating more veggies. I bought a TON of produce last night. Lots of grapes and strawberries, and oranges, and apples. Of course the girls have pretty much plowed through all but two of a 3lb $4 bag of organic apples in less than 24 hours (that's another story). And my cheese habit is coming to an end.

Since I stopped eating so much cheese (I have it on the occasional pizza or burritos, but try to limit it), and began cooking less and less with cow's milk, I feel so much better! I'm not as congested (big bonus when healing a nose ring, btw), and I feel like I'm slowly coming out of my "fog". I'm trying to learn about alternative milks. Goat's milk seems like a good alternative for the girls...but I can't bring myself to try it. I've used Rice milk in cooking and liked the results. I'm also VERY SLOWLY switching my Dr. Pepper for Diet Cherry 7-Up. Which still has red #40 and aspartame, which is horrible. But its a baby step (no caffeine, HFCS, or mondo-calories). After I am used to that I can switch to a sparkling juice, and then to just water. I drink mostly water anyway, this is just a treat.

So yeah. I'm not counting calories, I'm not obessing over anything. I'm a pretty uptight person, but my weight/body is one area where I just really don't stress. It seems so...pointless. I have bad days where I notice dimples on my thighs, or the extra pudge on my belly and it brings me down. But over all, I'm appreciative of my body. Too much so to belittle it. It's carried, birthed, and nourished the two loves of my life. It's put up with my crap all these years (senior year dinners consisted of pan-fried steak and 3-6 smirnoffs...every single night), and it still takes care of me. I can't complain. Any problems I have with it are my own. And getting mad or upset or defeated about the situation won't help a bit. In fact, they're discouraging and they'll only make it worse.

So I'll eat right (for the most part, of course). I'll exercise. And if I look the way I want to, great! If I stay looking this way, that's fine, too. Because at least I'm making myself healthier. And the goal is, and always should be, feeling and being healthier. Health isn't a number on a scale, or a clothing size. It's feeling better, having a stronger muscular and skeletal system, a stronger immune system, and stronger mental well being. It's being aligned, physically and spiritually. And that; that is what I strive for.

Sleep is a big part of this. And sleeping. Wonderful, amazing sleeping! I took three of the Ambien they gave me. That's all. And then I started sleeping longer stretches on my own. Still not going to bed until way too late. And that still happens sometimes. It's 2:30 right now and I am tired. As soon as I'm done writing I'm throwing diapers in the dryer and heading to bed. I'm getting tired on my own. If my body needs to sleep, it's giving me signals that it needs to sleep. That didn't happen before. I'm still working on getting in bed earlier, and getting up earlier. Especially since starting on the 6th, school begins for me each day at 9. (Of course I get home just in time for naptime, too!) So I may take some more Ambien over the next couple of weeks to get myself going to bed earlier.

But, I'm incredibly satisfied now with the sleep I'm getting. I didn't realize just what a difference it would make. I honestly feel like I'm leading a completely different life than I did a month to six weeks ago. Night and day. Life is just easier. I'm even contemplating taking on things like leading a local Friends of Iowa Midwives chapter- something I would LOVE to do, but could have never even thought of before!

Sleep, wonderful sleep!

It's been a week since I went to the doctor and got my prescription for Ambien. She gave me 4 sample pills and the script for 30 more. I have taken three of them, and nyquil one night since two days later I came down with a bad cough. But, I've been sleeping. Sleeping well, in fact.

My skin is looking better, my mental clarity is returning, and overall I'm functioning better. Well, except for having the cough. But even being sick, I can tell my body is handling it better than usual. I got my nose pierced on Feb. 13th, and normally my body gets very angry when I get cartilage piercings. This one is healing great with none of the issues I had when I'd previously had it pierced (at a different high stress, little sleep time in my life).

I find even on the nights I don't take the medicine (I'm not the greatest at remembering pills), I fall asleep easier. I don't dread going to sleep anymore, and because I'm well rested I'm not as axious during the day, which makes it harder to sleep.



I started back to work at the portrait studio last Sunday. A different studio, but same company. I've been told I have to get my average sales up (I avereaged $67/sale over 3 sales; they expect $100/sale average), but that I am doing well. It didn't help that one of those sales involved an uncooperative 2 year old that punched me in the arm! I have the bruise to prove it- he was strong! Hopefully tomorrow night and this Sunday will go better for me. It's nice being back in the studio, though. I missed working with a 'real' camera. My Sony Cybershot just does not cut it after I've worked on a quality DSLR.

The only thing about work that I dislike, is, well, working. That sounds awful, doesn't it? I love my job, I find it very fufilling. But I already watch a friend's son during the week. And even though I'm working at most 8 hours a week, it just feels like yet another obligation. The babywearing group is having a mom's night in next Friday and I thought I had the night off, but just got told I may have to work it, and won't know until that morning. So I can't make definitive plans one way or the other. But, this is only temporary. Once my old co-worker gets full-time hours and I start watching her son, I'm leaving Sear's and will be at home with the girls (and my friends son's) full-time!


We're putting the girls back into the larger of the two non-master bedrooms. We had moved their beds to the smaller room so the larger could be a toyroom. But we're cutting out so many toys that it doesn't make sense anymore. So the smaller room will be my sewing and massage room and the bigger room will be a combined toy/bedroom. I'm getting a bookshelf for the toys. We have containers for different kinds of toys, and if they have more than will fit in the container, they have to downsize. But my oldest has discovered that if you downsize your beanie babies Mama will do fun things like make beanbag balls for you. She just won't tell you where the stuffing for the balls came from. ;)

The sick house...

that's where it feels like I'm living. We've all got various coughs, colds, sniffles, etc. And the baby has a raging, open, blister-y diaper rash from the combo of teething (bottom molars) and being sick. I'm trying to get as much garlic and vitamin C into all of us, and unfortunately the baby will be going into disposable diapers for a spell to allow us to use some stronger rash creams. Our dryer is broken right now anyway, it's too cold to hang things outside, and we can't keep up with her if we try to let things hang dry inside.

My husband acts worse than the kids when he is sick and is the one least likely to take a proactive step to get better. It's frustrating.

I caved in this week and went to see a doctor. It's been well over six months, probably closer to a year or so since I've slept longer than 3 hours at a time. I've been mentally and physically rundown so long that I don't remember what it feels like to be rested. The doctor gave me some AmbienCR to help get myself back on a better schedule. Three days later and I feel like a different person. Well, I would if I weren't sick, that is! I'm remembering things I was supposed to do long ago and never did. I feel horrible about some of them, too, and am spending this week righting those wrongs. Its like I'm coming out of a huge fog. And thankfully I am getting tired on my own now, so I am going to start weaning off of the Ambien. I'm hoping this allows me to be the woman I've been trying (and failing) to be.

In an effort to cut out as much refined sugar as possible, I picked up some Agave nectar from a local grocery store. I've never used it, but hoping it tastes good. I'm also trying Rice Milk for the first time in my effort to cut out dairy (but cheese is so good!!!! It's my one downfall in the dairy section) and soy.

Grr to the Argh

Sorry, had to throw a little Whedonism in there. It just fits.

I am so tense lately. Tense to the point where I feel like I'm going to lose it. Since about the age of 18 I've been a pretty high strung person. It used to be that I fed on the nervous energy; it helped me stay on my game, so to speak. Now, not so much. It seems when I get anxious or tense, I shut down. Emotionally and physically. I find myself snapping at people around me. I know what I need to do, but I find myself unable to muster up the energy it takes to do it. I'm very listless, and I'm unsure of how to fix it.

It's been this way for a long time. Around a year now. At first, I just thought it was post-partum depression. Now? I think it's something more. I have a period of feeling great. I have energy, I sleep well, I have it together. I had a lot of that this spring, and a bit over the summer. But then I feel depressed and hopeless, really. I've tried upping my intake of fish oil to no avail. Part of me is considering going to the doctor, but the thought detests me. All a doctor does is give you a pill. A pill that doesn't make you feel better, it makes you unable to feel. Yes, I'll sleep. And that's probably all I need, is sleep.

All this tension is making me really doubt myself as far as school is concerned. Massage has lots of health benefits. Reduced tension and anxiety, and relief from insomnia are just a few. I've been getting two massages a week for the past six weeks. And I've felt none of those benefits. If nothing else, my anxiety, tension, and insomnia have all gotten worse. Tenfold worse. How can I tell people they should be getting massages to ensure these benefits when I'm having a hard time believing them because of lack of personal experience? I can't even relax during a massage, let alone general relaxation. Its making me doubt myself and doubt my (future) profession. And the doubt is even worse. Because if I don't believe in the benefits of massage how can I be a massage therapist?

Nutrifying/Simplifying

I've been eating so badly lately. Not even bad foods, though that's definitely part of it. But not enough foods. In fact, one good, hearty meal a day has been pretty amazing the past week or so. Which of course leads me to finding myself rundown, shaky, weak, and having a general "icky" feeling at the end of the day. So I'm on a mission to start eating better meals. And more of them!

This led DH and I to the grocery store tonight where he bought me a yummy steak for dinner. I haven't been getting enough protein, obviously, and the steaks I love were on special. So we splurged on steaks tonight. While there I wanted to pick up some hamburger buns for lentil sloppy joes and a loaf of bread. Which is odd, since I haven't bought bread in months. But I wanted a loaf anyway. I wound up not getting any bread or buns.

Why, you ask?

Because EVERY SINGLE LOAF I looked at in Hy-Vee's bread aisle had high fructose corn syrup! I used to not care about it at all. But especially since finding out it has mercury in it, I am trying to eliminate it from everything in our house. And it's the one "health kick" thing that I have DH's full support in. Although we're both hypocritical and drink Dr. Pepper with it in there. That's being replaced with brewed iced tea slowly but surely, though. We looked at a ton of different brands, and sure enough, half way through the ingredient list there it was. So I'm schlepping it over to the bread machine before I pour myself into bed and setting it up to have a loaf ready in the morning.





I am working hard on organizing and simplifying our home. My bathroom is now spotless. It's also the laundry room. A week ago the floor in there was covered in laundry from one end to the other! Our living room looks a lot better, too. We're selling things; just this week we've gotten rid of our old Playstation and a stroller. The organizing is harder than the getting rid of things. I think some things I've gotten rid of have been simply for lack of the willpower to organize!

Our toyroom and the girls' room are the last two I'm tackling. They SCARE me, lol. Toys just overwhelm me. If it were up to me, they'd have bare basics, and nice simple wooden toys. Budget and over zealous grandparents, however, prevent this. We have plenty of toys, and plenty of storage for said toys. But when it comes to what should be grouped with what, and where those things should go, I find myself clueless. I really need help with organization. The toyroom is the most obvious...but please if you come to visit stay out of the kitchen cabinets, too. ;)