The sick house...

that's where it feels like I'm living. We've all got various coughs, colds, sniffles, etc. And the baby has a raging, open, blister-y diaper rash from the combo of teething (bottom molars) and being sick. I'm trying to get as much garlic and vitamin C into all of us, and unfortunately the baby will be going into disposable diapers for a spell to allow us to use some stronger rash creams. Our dryer is broken right now anyway, it's too cold to hang things outside, and we can't keep up with her if we try to let things hang dry inside.

My husband acts worse than the kids when he is sick and is the one least likely to take a proactive step to get better. It's frustrating.

I caved in this week and went to see a doctor. It's been well over six months, probably closer to a year or so since I've slept longer than 3 hours at a time. I've been mentally and physically rundown so long that I don't remember what it feels like to be rested. The doctor gave me some AmbienCR to help get myself back on a better schedule. Three days later and I feel like a different person. Well, I would if I weren't sick, that is! I'm remembering things I was supposed to do long ago and never did. I feel horrible about some of them, too, and am spending this week righting those wrongs. Its like I'm coming out of a huge fog. And thankfully I am getting tired on my own now, so I am going to start weaning off of the Ambien. I'm hoping this allows me to be the woman I've been trying (and failing) to be.

In an effort to cut out as much refined sugar as possible, I picked up some Agave nectar from a local grocery store. I've never used it, but hoping it tastes good. I'm also trying Rice Milk for the first time in my effort to cut out dairy (but cheese is so good!!!! It's my one downfall in the dairy section) and soy.

Massage School

I LOVE massage. Everything I learn makes me love it more. I've had plenty of aquaintances tell me I am only loving it now because I get two massages a week during my class times. And yes, I guess that can be seen as a perk. But, the bigger perk? I get to GIVE two massages a week. It's so much better giving them at school than here at home. The lights are dimmed, and there is such relaxing music playing. It makes for a wonderful atmosphere for massage.

When I give a massage, I find it to be more beneficial than when I get a massage. I feel somewhat good after a massage. But, I find it hard to truly relax and focus on healing and rejuvenation when getting a massage. Like most women, especially those of us who are wives and mothers, I find it unnerving when all the focus is on ME. I'm not used to it. And without fail, a few minutes into the massage I wind up thinking about a million and one things. Grocery lists, budgets, bills, cleaning, organizing, the kids, the dogs, and so on.

But when I give a massage? Then I am in my element. I am focusing on nurturing and healing someone else. My sole purpose in that 50 minutes is to do everything I can to make that person's day better. To rejuvenate and heal their mind, body, and spirit. As a natural born nurturer, this is what I am best at. And after I'm done, I realize that in doing my best to heal THEIR mind, body, and spirit, I've received just as much as I've given. Sometimes it seems like I've received more.

I leave class feeling energized. Lighter on my feet. I feel like there is nothing that can stop me. I get to relax and work out all while helping someone else.

This is definitely what God has called me to do. I'm not sure in what capacity I'll be a massage therapist. But a massage therapist I will be.