The double edged sword of the due date:

It is common knowledge in "birthy" circles that the Estimated Due Date (EDD) given to women by midwives and obstetricians in most everywhere is somewhat of a fallacy. Yes, the average time a woman will spend pregnant is 40 weeks. BUT, that is just an average. The normal range for a term pregnancy is 37 to 42 weeks (and based on some people's arguments the range could be as wide as 36 to 43; but for the sake of this post we'll stick with 37-42 as average since it is the accepted norm). Which means that if your EDD is, let's say January 1st, you could have a normal length pregnancy without being either "early" or "late" anywhere from December 11th to January 15th. Quite a difference than focusing on that one day, right?

The thing is, there's been a trend that I've noticed in a lot of natural birthing communities to ignore the first 3 weeks of that range. It is seen almost as a badge of honor to beat the EDD, to go past it. Women are using that 42 week mark as their due date, it's seen as beating the system or being more of a woman to be considered "overdue" by the medical community at large. Especially if you buck the pressure to induce, something that is very very understandably hard to do for both first time moms and mothers with little ones at home who may only have help available for a very short window of time.

And, there is NOTHING wrong with that. I comment women who carry their babies for 40+ weeks without being pressured into a non-medical induction or succumbing to society's pressure to just get that baby out. Scheduling birth is a big trend in our country (I would encourage ACOG to look at elective, non-medical induction, whether suggested by women or their providers, as a bigger 'cause celebre' than homebirth is!), and it's one that many are pressured into by all sides. Even knowing we were planning a homebirth, I started getting phone calls wanting to know when the baby was coming at what we thoughts was 38 weeks with my last pregnancy. And I wasn't even "due" yet! Turns out I was more realistically at 36 weeks; an entire month before when I would have been considered due to have the baby.

BUT, what about those of us on the other side of the spectrum? My children have all been "early." My 3 daughters were born at 36 weeks exactly (according to my OB's wheel; by ovulation she was actually 35w4d), 37w1d, and 37w6d. The first I admit had circumstances that likely contributed to her being born before 37 weeks. I had an infection that left untreated can lead to early labor. And my doctor ignored me when I told him that I wasn't able to keep the antibiotics down long enough to be effective. I did wind up in preterm labor three weeks later (at 33w5d) and spent a weekend in the hospital with magnesium sulfate to stop labor. I was taken off of light bedrest a few days before my daughter was born. If I remember correctly, a different antibiotic was never prescribed after the preterm labor, and I am unsure at this point (almost 6.5 years later) if it was because no infection was present or because it was an oversight in medical care. So, that could very well been a contributing factor in her birth.

The other two, however, came "early" with no prompting from me. I had prodromal labor for at least two weeks before each of their births. With my middle daughter this consisted of hours of braxton-hicks contractions that kept me awake but were clearly braxton-hicks. With my youngest, it meant about 2 and a half weeks of hours long periods of labor contractions that had a definite pattern, involved using breathing and coping techniques. Then? They'd just stop or space out to an obviously not labor pattern. Now, as I'm approaching the beginning of my "due month (late October to early December in my case)" I find I'm having the long periods of braxton-hicks like contractions again. While I have no scientific reasoning, I am guessing on a baby within 4 weeks because of patterns that are showing up as they have with other pregnancies.

Even waiting 4 weeks, which would be my longest pregnancy, I would still be birthing before 40 weeks. And that is FINE with me. I don't like comparing women to appliances, so I don't like when people say I "cook" babies fast or anything like that. I am not cooking an infant, I'm gestating. ;) But, I do err on the side of shorter pregnancies. And, because I am okay with that, because I don't feel bad about not going to 40 weeks or beyond, I've gotten some flack. People saying I "want" a preemie or care more about my comfort than I do my baby's health. And to them I say a two word phrase that I won't repeat here because I made myself a promise not to curse on this blog.

Do I WANT a 40+ week pregnancy? Absolutely not. Let's go with my last, and longest, pregnancy. 37 weeks 6 days. By the end of that pregnancy I could not roll over in bed or get dressed without assistance due to SPD. I was super emotional and full of outbursts of anger from hormones. I felt like I wasn't in control of my mind or my emotions anymore. Doing things with an caring for my older girls was plain HARD and they endured a lot more TV, missed trips to the zoo, and PB&Js than they should have had to deal with. I was dealing with prodromal labor that largely happened overnight, and then had children to deal with all day. Five more weeks of that and I may have lost my mind.

The night before I had my daughter I was cursing and yelling and swearing that I was GOING to be induced that week (at the time we were going with an earlier EDD, but because of my daughter's size, the amount of vernix and some issues with my cycle, I believe an earlier dating ultrasound that had her EDD two weeks later was the more accurate of the two) because I could not be pregnant another second. I was crying at EVERYTHING, and scaring not only myself, but my husband and the big girls. It wasn't a pretty picture. However, even believing I was AT my 40 week mark, I knew I would stay pregnant another 2 or so weeks if that's what the baby needed.

And now, now I would gladly again stay pregnant for 42 weeks. Do I want to? Again, no. This baby's movements are large. My stomach moves more than Shakira's hips! I wake up at night in pain from those movements. The SPD, while more manageable with chiropractic care, is wearing me thin. I have a fractured tailbone and hyperemesis to deal with this time, too. It's been a largely horrible pregnancy. As long as baby is healthy and ready, they can be born as soon as it's safe for them to do so for my preference. But if they need to stick around until the end of the due month, that's okay with me, too. I may complain a LOT about it, but it would be of a venting nature.

Because I don't want a preemie. I've never WANTED a preemie. I was one. I spent most of my first year in and out of a NICU. I wouldn't wish the reality and uncertain health of a preemie on any parent or any baby. I want to slap people when they say I want a preemie; and that is not the pregnancy hormones talking. And while my comfort is important to me, especially right now when there are so many factors attack it, of course my child's health is more important. Worrying about the baby's health versus my comfort is what led me to the natural childbirth movement in the first place.

I guess the point of this post is that the EDD is just that. Estimated. It is the average. And while I commend the women who happily plan for and even relish in 42 weeks of pregnancy, I have to say remember there is another side to the EDD sword. Those of us who make up the early end of that due month curve. And just because we don't carry our baby's in the womb as long and aren't upset about that doesn't mean we should be looked down on. In a community like the natural birth one, full of people that the mainstream world rarely sees as "normal", it'd be nice to have it remembered that for there to be an average there have to be a range both above and below that average. And in this case, unlike our report cards in school, there's nothing better about being above average rather than below average.

DISCLAIMER: This is based on when the BABY chooses their own birthdate and does not apply to inductions before 40 weeks. Obviously there are inductions that are medically indicated before a baby's EDD, and if that is what a woman and her provider deem necessary given their circumstances, I support that. BUT this post isn't about this. When a baby naturally lets the mother's body know to start labor before 40 weeks, there are rarely issues. It's when labor is artificially started that your risks of having complications associated with "early" babies can happen, even within that 37-42 week window.

32 Weeks, and birth place rambling.

32 Weeks and feeling good!

I'm in the middle of week 32 of this pregnancy. This week has been a turnaround week. A week ago, I was on day 2 of a 3 day period of being bed ridden from pain related to SPD. I went to the chiropractor on Tuesday, and again on Friday. I've had some pain off and on this week, but this weekend has been amazing. Even spending all day on my feet and running around I've been relatively pain free. As pain free as you can be when there is a uterus up to your ribs and little jabs to your muscles from inside your body. ;) I don't think 32 weeks has felt this comfortable since my first pregnancy. Considering that was 3 kids, 8 pregnancies, and 6 years ago, I'm happy!

My other 3 were born in the 36-38 weeks range. Which means nothing, as we all know. I could have a baby in 4 weeks or in 10 weeks. As someone obsessed with details and planning, the last couple of months of pregnancy are maddening as I constantly wonder when to expect baby to come. Especially since I tend to have weeks of prodromal labor.

This pregnancy has been the first one where birth place has been a real discussion. My first I was sure would be in the hospital. People went to OBs and had babies in hospitals. Homebirth was for the crazy hippies. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm mumbling, that's just my foot in my mouth. After a good natural hospital birth, I still knew there was a better way. Better than a first time mom being told after 9 hours of labor that she was failing to progress and being threatened with a cesarean section. Better than waiting over an hour for every single prenatal visit in a crowded waiting room only to be seen for five minutes. Better than an OB who dismissed my hyperemesis as me being a "princess" about normal morning sickness and told me not having an epidural would result in myself having a stroke from high blood pressure (due to a heart condition I'd long outgrown, and even suffering from low blood pressure the entire pregnancy!). Better than postpartum women treating me like I knew nothing because I was a young mother.

Two years later I found myself pregnant again. I knew I would have a homebirth. The question that pregnancy was whether or not I could find a midwife to attend. I was okay with an unassisted birth when a friend found a midwife for me through a message board. I met with her, and transferred from seeing a hospital based CNM to seeing a homebirth midwife. And still wound up with an unassisted birth thanks to a snowstorm, another birth, and being a fast laborer.

By the time I was pregnant with baby number three, there wasn't a question of where (home) or attendant (same homebirth midwife), but instead how we were going to replace the tub that came with the home we'd bought the year before with a new one deep enough to facilitate a waterbirth. That birth, another fast one (just a smidge over 2 hours), was easy. Smooth, quick labor that progressed with no issues and ended in a peaceful waterbirth with the midwife and my husband near the tub and my two older girls in the hallway laughing in delight over the birth of their sister.

This pregnancy, however, has been full of questions. We are seeing our family doctor for prenatal care, and have intended to birth at home unassisted from the beginning. This decision has been one I've considered and reconsidered. I admit the hospital has it's appeal. Not for the birth itself, though their tubs do look amazing. But for the 2 days post birth with no having to clean up, tend to older siblings, having food delivered to me with the push of a button, etc. It's a mini vacation for a tired mama with lots of little ones around! And with our doctor, I know all of my wishes would be respected during labor and birth. I wouldn't have to get an IV, I could eat and drink and move as I pleased, catch the baby myself, and anything else I could ask for. Sounds great, but with the fast labors, the whole being in a car sounds like torture. My contractions tend to come fast and strong. They are manageable when I can do whatever I need to to cope. But in a car they are unbearable (experienced during those weeks of prodromal labor).

For all three girls, the only options were hospital or home. Now, a new birth center is opening in the area. Right near the hospital, actually. A LOT of my friends are very excited about this option. As am I, because it means many local women who were not happy with the current options of unregulated homebirth midwives or the hospital have a new option. One that gives them great care and a non-hospital option that has the bonus of being covered by insurance; something that is usually impossible with homebirths here. I have many friends who are already excited about getting to have their next baby in the birth center. It opens later this month, and since my doctor is the physician who works with the CNM running the center, I can easily switch care to birth there if I chose to.

And I do see the appeal. A real bed rather than the incredibly uncomfortable hospital ones. Big tubs (I am a water birther, the bed is of no matter to me, but the tub? The tub is everything!), no hospital-y feel to the place. And you get to go home within a few hours, so you can settle into your own bed with baby that first night. And the scary "who cleans up the mess" question all of us homebirthers hear is answered. I am pretty sure you can also have family visit before you leave the center and then when you get home, you're home in peace and alone. That is probably an even bigger draw than the tub for me, as I'm a private person and rarely am comfortable inviting others into my home. Even friends and family.

But, where I am now, the birth center option is just not for me. It seems like it would be silly. We can have everything we want at the hospital. If this wasn't the case, a birth center would be a good option for us. The hospital seems kind of crazy as well. We wouldn't be going because we think it is the best or safest place for our birth, but rather to simply have the hotel-like amenities after the fact. I still feel the best place would be home for us. Sure, it means no 2 day vacation afterward. But as long as I do my meal prep and keep up with laundry before the birth, there won't be much to do after around the house anyway. Plus my husband will likely have a couple of days home to help out. Add in the fact that I don't tend to take a ton of rest time after a birth anyway (we were out to eat and shopping 12 hours after my last birth since our birth kit was missing a few items and we got hungry) and staying home just makes sense.

So for now, we say we're planning a homebirth. Come birthing day, we may decide the hospital sounds like the place for us. We have a doctor and doula who are fine supporting us wherever we decide to go. Or not go. So the following weeks will involve putting together our birth kit, preparing the house for a birth, and packing a bag in case we decide at the last minute to head to the hospital. I don't see that happening, but this pregnancy has been so all over the place that I do not make concrete plans anymore. All I know is that in the next 4-10 weeks we will be meeting our new baby. And no matter where or how they enter this world, it will be joyful and miraculous. Just like my other births, and any others that God plans for us.

Autumn is here!

And, besides the ringing in of our family's favorite season, we have much to celebrate! The husband got a job this week! It's in the field he wants to move into (and will be starting school for soon), and he will be home more during the kids' waking hours. It's a paycut, but we are fine with struggling for a little while in order to make things better in the long run. I've been encouraged to apply for a job as a breastfeeding peer counselor with our local WIC office and plan to turn in the application next week, so I may be bringing in a little something extra to help out as well. Either way, I'll likely look for part-time work after the baby is a couple of months old during hours when hubby is home with the kids. I like having a little bit of an outlet, but the hassle of childcare isn't one I like to deal with!

The big girls started dance last week (9/13 and 9/17, respectively). The six year old is doing a tap/ballet combo, and the three year old is doing "creative movement". Which is intro to tap and ballet and fun movement. They both love it! It's the first time either of them have taken a structured class for anything. After the new year we'll likely add swim lessons. I think 2 lessons each is about enough though!

Six year old ballerina and her three year old copycat. :)

Three year old Ballerina

As for me, I've begun seeing a different chiropractor for this pregnancy. Not because I didn't like my old chiropractor...in fact I really do like him! BUT, my insurance didn't cover him and I need to go more during pregnancy than I could swing without the help of insurance. Plus the new chiropractor specializes in pregnancy and has some different state of the art equipment, etc. I've noticed a HUGE difference. For one, she adjusts the pubis symphysis itself rather than just the illium and sacrum in hopes of stabilizing the entire pelvis. The adjustment hurts. The little hammer (I forget the actual name) thing is not a fun sensation. And I usually have to come home and rest after an adjustment. But it is helping!

And that state of the art equipment? It found some rotation and issues in my cervical vertebrae. This is significant because it is the vertebrae that are connected with the nerves causing my wrist/hand issues. Getting adjusted hasn't been a cure, but I am able to do more with less pain and numbness in my wrist and hand! I figure it may take a while before it can fix it completely; I've been living with this for almost five years, two weeks isn't going to fix it all. But it has given me hope that maybe I will be able to massage again one day.

This autumn is especially significant for us. This is the season in which we will be welcoming our newest family member. :) I love that I will be birthing during the season that brings me the most joy, inspiration, and closeness to God. Autumn has always been special, this will just make it a bit moreso. We are still undecided between home and hospital, but I am leaning towards staying home and going with the original plan of an unassisted birth. The thing that sounds best about a hospital birth is the two day vacation afterward. No house to clean, no worrying about cooking for anybody, cable TV and room service! And really, with a little prep work we can have the meals and such all ready to go here. Microwaving isn't hard. And I would likely go nuts spending time away from the kids like that. Plus there's that whole leaving the house in labor and fear of precipitous birthing in the van on the way there. I don't even like going anywhere without my husband after 36 weeks for fear of going into labor when out and about!

31 Week belly. Ignore bad lighting and hanging converter box wire- we have to do that to watch Fox, lol!

Though we go into each pregnancy planning on it lasting up to 42 weeks, we could realistically have as little as 5 weeks and as many as 11 based on 'normal' pregnancies and the lengths of my others. Seeing as this is baby #4, we really don't have a ton of preparations. Washing clothes and putting them away. I'm turning my closet into a nursery nook. We co-sleep, but we'll put our mini pack and play in there (with the doors removed, of course!), the clothes in baskets on the upper shelf, and add a mobile and paint it a little different than the rest of the room. Just to have a nice baby "area". We've never done that with the other kids. Just planned for co-sleeping and that was that. We have a new carseat, we have cloth diaper covers and plenty of prefolds and flats, though we will probably pick up some preemie prefolds for the first few days. I need to go get my Ergo from a friend, but I have my ring sling and wrap ready to go. I want to finish the house. Some painting and decorating. And I want to get all of us into a good routine and get a household schedule worked out. Which will happen naturally as the husband settles into his new job. Then the fall activities. Apple orchard. Pumpkin patch. Maternity pictures.

As the leaves change and fall, the air turns crisp, and we are settling into life. I don't know how to explain the change from the summer. But there is a change. Things feel right again.

Summer is slowly ending...

Late summer family reunion at the lake. Bonus 25 week belly picture!

which means the best time of the year is just around the corner! I've mentioned that summer is not our favorite time of the year here in our home. No, we are definitely autumn kind of people! Bring on falling leaves, pumpkins, apples, crisp air, earlier nights and later mornings. A dear friend and I have a description for our favorite kind of weather: hoodie and flip flop weather. When you can comfortably wear both, it's the time of year to be outside enjoying all nature has to offer! Of course, this friend and I have both been known to extend our hoodie and flip flop uniforms into late winter when the ground is heavy with snow, so use your own discretion with this. ;)

Late summer and the approach of autumn also mean it is back to school time! This has different meanings for us this year. We've considered ourselves homeschoolers for the past year or two, but have fallen more in the unschooling camp. We have focused on playing, reading to our girls, and encouraging our now six year old's natural interests. This year, however, she is of compulsory attendance age. So we have paperwork to file with our state. This includes a vaccine exemption form, and a form laying out our curriculum choices. We bought a first grade curriculum, and as all our paperwork needs to be filed by the 26th, I'm spending this weekend setting out lesson plans, and getting everything ready to submit. Organizing a school shelf in the bookcase, making a daily schedule for the girls and I so we know what to expect when, and making a meal plan so I'm not going crazy while adjusting to "doing school".

We still are focusing on making learning fun. Lately, there's been a huge interest in learning about history. Which her definition of history is "old things, like Elvis." Well, sort of, sweetie! We're reading through the Little House series with her sisters. Last week we read chapter one of Little House in the Big Woods and she painted pictures of the corn husk dolls we're going to make as soon as we dry the husks from our corn we're getting at Farmer's Market on Thursday. A couple hours east there is a living history farm that we plan to visit. I'd like to wait until it is not only cooler, but closer to Thanksgiving time, since there is an Ioway Indian village site, and I'd like to incorporate that into our learning about Native Americans.

She's been scared of storms this summer. So when our zoo (whose membership includes free IMAX movies) began showing the IMAX screening of Tornado Alley, we took her so she could learn about the storms. Now, instead of the girls being scared of storms, they tend to just ask about how bad they'll be getting, and are secure in their knowing that a storm turning into a tornado is unlikely. That's not saying they never get scared. The storm that had 70mph winds and knocked power out for 13 hours was scary to them because the lights were out at night. But they knew if it were to develop into a tornado they could simply go to the hall closet and how to stay safe.

Learning fun w/Clifford and Iowa Public TV at the Iowa State Fair!

The end of summer is also bringing an end to our first gardening efforts. They, unfortunately, haven't been very fruitful. I blame this mostly on my asthma keeping me indoors and not tending to the plants as much as I should have, as well as on our alternately too dry and too wet conditions. That's okay. This was a year to learn, not to produce. I did learn that next year we'll do raised beds, as I wasn't a fan of containers. Once our tomato plants are all done with for the season, the girls are going to paint the buckets in autumnal colors and designs, and we'll put some autumn flowers (mums I believe? I'm not a flower person!) in them to decorate the front of the house. The herbs that survived the heat (sage and rosemary) will be brought indoors, and we'll probably add some others to grow inside over the winter.

This week we will begin canning. Whatever we get from farmers market, from our little tomato plants, and produce sales will be preserved to use in winter months. Next month we'll be canning lots of apples. Apple butter, apple jelly, pie fillings, etc. We're kind of nuts about apples. We'll be experimenting with using the shed to store squashes and such over the winter, too.

Even more exciting than planning school schedules, field trips, apple orchards, pumpkin patches, and Halloween is that the coming autumn brings the arrival of our new baby! Being the one giving up precious organ room and pelvic girdle comfort to house the baby's current uterine digs, I like to think this excites me the most. ;) This pregnancy has been simultaneously easy and incredibly difficult. When it's easy, it's very easy. But when the hyperemesis or symphysis pubis dysfunction decide to make it hard, it can be extremely hard! I am looking forward to labor, birthing, and mostly to having a new baby to snuggle and love on. Walking without waddling doesn't sound all that bad, either!

Yes, these "lazy hazy" days of summer are slowly dragging to an end. For many they passed by far too quickly. For us, they took their sweet time and are welcome to make an early exit! We are eagerly awaiting the hustle and bustle that autumn brings to our home. And to adding hoodies to our flip flop wardrobes!

Trusting birth...

I don't pretend to know the ins and outs of the Trust Birth movement. I know there is a lot of controversy and drama surrounding it, and so like most things in the natural birth and parenting circles, I tend to stay on the sidelines with my mouth shut. I don't like getting pulled into drama. I hate it, in fact. And if the choice is perhaps missing out on a group of kindred spirits (or people I can't stand...) in exchange for not being privy to drama, I'll happily miss out.

But, being a home birther, I hear Trust Birth a lot, in both good and bad context. Home birthers are not all hippies pulled from an SNL skit. There are people who home birth but are just as ok with the idea of an elective c-section with no medical indication. Home birthers who don't like their local hospital otherwise they'd be in line for the epidural in their 38th week! And yes, home birthers who feel that any presence besides their own (including their partner, a midwife, a doula, or children) is detrimental to the birth process. We, like any group of people, run the gamut.

Me? I trust birth...to a point. TO me, it means I trust birth like I trust breathing. Keep in mind you are reading the blog of an asthmatic who has had very severe attacks. I trust my body knows how to breathe, but I accept it doesn't always do it like it should. Just like I trust that my body knows how to give birth, but I accept that it doesn't always happen like it should either. There are conditions and complications.

If I have an asthma attack, I use the resources at my disposal to remedy the attack. Sometimes that means natural remedies. I drink a glass of black coffee. Sometimes it means using my nebulizer here at home. And other times it means hauling my wheezing butt to the hospital because I know that getting my lungs under control is beyond what I know how to do at that point.

Similarly, I can give birth. I've done it three times, and done a fantastic job if I do say so myself. My body labors quickly and efficiently and I've been blessed to have no complications and easy recoveries. I have no doubts I can give birth a fourth time. But, I have breathed with no issues for the vast majority of my 26 years. It's just the few times I didn't that could've been a big problem.

I guess I'm saying that yes, I trust that my body knows how to grow and birth a baby. I also trust that just like I know when I need help during an asthma attack, I will know if I need help during birth. For me, the process would be different. I personally would not try home remedies first, then medicine at home, then hospital. If I were in labor and had anything that was *off* from my other births, I would not hesitate to transfer. I know this seems highly alarmist to some, and highly crazy to others who don't think a mother will always know.

I also trust that with birth, like anything else in life, there are no guarantees. If I consent to a hospital birth with all of the interventions that are in place to save mothers and babies, guess what? My baby or myself may still wind up seriously injured, ill, or dead. Maybe because we were in the hospital to begin with, and maybe because sometimes bad things happen that we have no control over.

At home, whether with an attendant or without one, same thing. Staying home takes away some risks, but (ducking from home birth advocate's rocks here) it does create others. If baby or I wound up injured, ill, or dead at home it may have been because we didn't go to the hospital. It may have been because for reasons unknown to us, it was just time.

It is a reality that, frankly, sucks. There are no guarantees in life. Life is full of unknowns and risks and benefits. It is scary. So how do we really trust anything? I think rather than trusting birth, or breathing, or any other natural process, we need to first trust ourselves. Trust in God, or whatever spiritual source you look to (if you do at all), that we have the ability to handle the unknowns that are thrown our way. That we are smart enough to do our research and prepare ourselves for what we face in life whether it be parenting, birth, our health, finances, relationships, any of it. And that we can look at the risks, look at the benefits of all our different options and know which has the risks that are acceptable to us.

So, maybe I don't trust birth after all. Maybe instead, I just trust...Me.

Shock and Awe

A week and a half ago, we got a big surprise- we're expecting baby number FOUR! This came as a shock since my cycles weren't regulated and I am still breastfeeding six to ten times each day. Its definitely a welcome surprise. We really have everything we need for baby, except for a few diaper covers that I plan to crochet, so I get to just relax and focus solely on growing this new life that's inside of me.

Pregnancy symptoms are few but noticeable. I'm very nauseous, especially before 10AM, and around midnight. I have to use the restroom a LOT. I'm exhausted all the time. As annoying as these sound, I am grateful for each of them. After multiple early losses, you learn to find comfort in any sign that your body is safely growing this particular baby. I'm 5.5 weeks, so these are about the only noticeable symptoms I could be having anyway. I start showing early, so am enjoying these next few weeks, as I'm normally in maternity clothes from week 12 or so.

After talking with my husband, praying, and talking to good friends, we are committed to the idea of birthing unassisted (UC; unassisted childbirth). This will be our third homebirth, and our second unassisted birth (the first was unintentional and the midwife was on her way). We knew right away that going anywhere else to birth wouldn't be smart for us. I am blessed and cursed by precipitous labors. Blessed because they're nice and quick. Cursed because they are often intense, and because it means if we choose to leave home for the birth we face the real possibility of a car labor. Which is something that even though we prepare for it (have an emergency birth kit in the van from 36+ weeks), we'd like to avoid. We don't live far from a hospital but would have to wait for hubby to get home from work, someone to get the kids, etc. And precipitous labor in and of itself does not justify to us the risks that come with getting induced just to ensure we're in a "safe" place for the birth.

We've had a hospital birth, an unintentional unassisted birth (our best birth thus far, even with the hardest labor!), and a midwife assisted birth. I labor best alone. Even in the hospital (my longest labor- six hours), I sent hubby to the main room while I was in the tub alone for the majority of active labor. Our first UC hubby was there with me for a lot of the labor. Baby was posterior until the very end and transition was long while she rotated to anterior. I needed his support. Hip squeezes, hanging off his shoulders, etc. But once she turned, I again preferred to space out and be alone. This last birth I was alone for the first half hour, one fourth of the total time I was in labor/birthing. The rest of the time my husband, the midwife, her assistant, and even our then 4 and 2 year olds were around. But I did have another 5-10 minutes alone in the bathroom at that time.

We both are educated, and will further educate ourselves, on childbirth. We'll also both be taking a neonatal resuscitation and CPR course. We plan to see the doctor we used for backup with our homebirths for prenatal care and if we feel its necessary to transfer. I'll likely rent or borrow a doppler to have around during the birth in case labor is longer than we expect, we can check on the baby.

Expect a few posts in the future dedicated to the pregnancy, but not a ton. This isn't a pregnancy blog. I will definitely be posting our maternity pictures when we do them. I am excited to do shots in the World War 2 pinup girl style along with some more traditional shots. I may also do some about our birth kit, hypnobirthing, and preparing to tandem nurse for the second time.

One of my favorite resources for information on UC is BornFree!, a site from Laura Shanley.

Long time, no post.

I'm up right now, alone. Everyone else has given up their insomniatic ways. For a while, I joined them. But, being 27 weeks pregnant has its way of making that insomnia creep back up on you!



I'm listening to eggs tap-tap-tapping as they boil in the pan. I'm suddenly craving sweets, so am trying to up my protein intake. Needing protein makes sense to me, since my morning sickness returned about 2 weeks ago. Meat is pretty unappealing, so are a lot of eggs (egg salad sounds good, though), and one can only eat so many PB&Js before those become nauseating, too!

This pregnancy has brought a LOT of depression with it. I am assuming it has a lot to do with everything that has happened in the six (AH!) months since I've updated. There are a laundry list of bad things that have happened. But to list them would undermine the GOOD things that happened as well. Getting to see good friends. Playing in autumn leaves. Feeling baby kicks. Seeing my oldest's face light up when she feels the baby kick. A two year old hugging and kissing my belly and singing to her little sister (yes, we're getting blessed with another girl!). That same two year old, when NOT feeling baby kick, pushing on my belly yelling "WAKEY! WAKEY!" Embraces from those I love.

I've had to come to terms with giving up on massage school. At least for now, it's the right thing to do. I have lost my desire to fight. Maybe, after my wrist gets fixed (via surgery or other means), I will feel that pull on my heart again. Lord knows massage is still a big part of me. But I feel God bringing me to nursing school. I'm going to go talk to a local LPN program about enrolling. This is scary. Nursing has help appeal with me, but its always been scary, something I am not passionate about. To a certain extent, I'm still not. But I feel that that this is where God wants me. Out of my comfort zone. So I'm jumping off this cliff with my eyes closed and my heart full of prayers and faith and praying it goes well!

I am giving my two weeks notice at my part-time job tomorrow. I am in my third trimester and am finding myself needed to nest and be close to my family as much as possible. So I am looking forward to 2.5-3 months of crocheting, washing diapers, renovating the bathroom to put in our deeper bathtub before the birth, painting and decorating the house. All the wonderfully typical nesting things.

I am prayerfully trying to learn to become more present in my surroundings. I am always worrying over something, or dreaming of the future rather than learning to be happy in the present and in the moment I am in. I blame where I live for my unhappiness, and have my entire life. I've spent 20 years making plans to get out of this place. But...here I am. And God has a reason for me still being here. My job is to learn that reason and learn to be happy in Him no matter where I am physically.

It's why a lot of my nesting involves fixing the house up. I've been reluctant to do so because of my desire to get out of here. But having a home I feel cozy in makes me happy. So I am putting up pictures, decorating, and making this house a HOME. This excites me.

There is a turning point in our family. I feel it coming up. And I am not scared about it. I feel God's hand in it all. This excites me. It energizes me, and makes me feel like I can handle ANYTHING. I am interested to see what the future holds.

Sweet Surprise!

Last week my husband and I found out we are expecting baby #3!!! This came as a bit of a shock, but a very welcome, very happy one. We're happy and confident- I have experienced none of the same hormone issues as I did when we had our miscarriages. I've also gotten a hefty dose of morning sickness, which while unpleasant, leads me to believe this baby is around for the long haul. Good thing we went for the minivan over a sedan when we bought a vehicle two months ago! :)

We're excited to have a birth in our new home. And I find that this time I'm much more relaxed, even though I'm not very far along. We have very little to buy; maybe a new double stroller, a few diapers (we have most of what we need, just adding in some new brands we've discovered), and preferrably a new bathtub before the birth! I'd like one like in my mom's house- it was perfect for birthing in. We have slings, we have a carseat, we have a trundle bed for our oldest so she can still be in our room but the baby and the youngest can be in bed with us.

Thankfully, I'm in my exercise training class. I'm looking forward to seeing the positive effects of staying fit and active during pregnancy. I've been pretty sedentary in the past two pregnancies due to hyperemesis with the first and pubic symphsis disorder in the second. Staying consistent with chiropractor visits and my cravings for veggies should be enough to make labor and all even easier this time around!

I'm currently at 5 weeks, and am due in December.