Shock and Awe

A week and a half ago, we got a big surprise- we're expecting baby number FOUR! This came as a shock since my cycles weren't regulated and I am still breastfeeding six to ten times each day. Its definitely a welcome surprise. We really have everything we need for baby, except for a few diaper covers that I plan to crochet, so I get to just relax and focus solely on growing this new life that's inside of me.

Pregnancy symptoms are few but noticeable. I'm very nauseous, especially before 10AM, and around midnight. I have to use the restroom a LOT. I'm exhausted all the time. As annoying as these sound, I am grateful for each of them. After multiple early losses, you learn to find comfort in any sign that your body is safely growing this particular baby. I'm 5.5 weeks, so these are about the only noticeable symptoms I could be having anyway. I start showing early, so am enjoying these next few weeks, as I'm normally in maternity clothes from week 12 or so.

After talking with my husband, praying, and talking to good friends, we are committed to the idea of birthing unassisted (UC; unassisted childbirth). This will be our third homebirth, and our second unassisted birth (the first was unintentional and the midwife was on her way). We knew right away that going anywhere else to birth wouldn't be smart for us. I am blessed and cursed by precipitous labors. Blessed because they're nice and quick. Cursed because they are often intense, and because it means if we choose to leave home for the birth we face the real possibility of a car labor. Which is something that even though we prepare for it (have an emergency birth kit in the van from 36+ weeks), we'd like to avoid. We don't live far from a hospital but would have to wait for hubby to get home from work, someone to get the kids, etc. And precipitous labor in and of itself does not justify to us the risks that come with getting induced just to ensure we're in a "safe" place for the birth.

We've had a hospital birth, an unintentional unassisted birth (our best birth thus far, even with the hardest labor!), and a midwife assisted birth. I labor best alone. Even in the hospital (my longest labor- six hours), I sent hubby to the main room while I was in the tub alone for the majority of active labor. Our first UC hubby was there with me for a lot of the labor. Baby was posterior until the very end and transition was long while she rotated to anterior. I needed his support. Hip squeezes, hanging off his shoulders, etc. But once she turned, I again preferred to space out and be alone. This last birth I was alone for the first half hour, one fourth of the total time I was in labor/birthing. The rest of the time my husband, the midwife, her assistant, and even our then 4 and 2 year olds were around. But I did have another 5-10 minutes alone in the bathroom at that time.

We both are educated, and will further educate ourselves, on childbirth. We'll also both be taking a neonatal resuscitation and CPR course. We plan to see the doctor we used for backup with our homebirths for prenatal care and if we feel its necessary to transfer. I'll likely rent or borrow a doppler to have around during the birth in case labor is longer than we expect, we can check on the baby.

Expect a few posts in the future dedicated to the pregnancy, but not a ton. This isn't a pregnancy blog. I will definitely be posting our maternity pictures when we do them. I am excited to do shots in the World War 2 pinup girl style along with some more traditional shots. I may also do some about our birth kit, hypnobirthing, and preparing to tandem nurse for the second time.

One of my favorite resources for information on UC is BornFree!, a site from Laura Shanley.

Advocacy is not condescending.

By now, most of you have heard that the makers of Similac have recalled many of their containers of powdered baby formula because it contained beetle parts that were making babies sick. This has caused a series of condescending remarks from breastfeeding supporters over various social media sites like Facebook and Twitter. Let me be clear; being thankful you breastfeed and are not affected is NOT condescending. I'm strictly referring to things like saying "that's what you get when you give your kid crap from a can" or insinuating that parents brought this on themselves. No, they didn't.

To them I say, shut up and show some respect! Yes, the company is awful. They give out unwanted samples timed to coincide with major growth spurts to undermine breastfeeding. They violate the WHO code at every turn. But, it isn't them who is most affected by this recall. Its the babies who use their formula and the parents of those babies. Who have, by choice or necessity, chosen a different way to feed their infants. And now they find out that choice could make their baby sick. Some of them are finding out the formula they have can't be used and now can't figure out what how they are going to afford food for their babies before the company begins dolling out refunds.

And all you can do is make jokes about how your breastmilk is bug free? These families are hurt by this recall. Some may already feel guilty that they couldn't breastfeed and had to use formula. Do you really think making them feel worse supports breastfeeding? Nobody is worried more about this recall than these parents. So let's kick them while they're down, shall we?

Yes, breastmilk will never be recalled. Yes, its best for a baby to be exclusively fed. Its also best for every family to have a home of their own, be independently wealthy, and to have a smaller carbon footprint. Best, unfortunately, doesn't always happen. Instead of taking the "I'm better than you because I breastfeed my kid," route let's lobby for more women to donate their breastmilk to milk banks. If that happened, providing baby's who aren't breastfed with donor milk wouldn't be cost prohibitive. Let's educate women on overcoming basic nursing problems so formula isn't so appealing in times of trouble. Work to make formula the 4th choice is should be (breastfeeding from mom, pumped milk from mom, donor breastmilk, formula) instead of the second.

But, before we can do any of that and be taken seriously, we have to stop acting like we're the catty cliques in high school. We're mothers and women. We're powerful. Our voices have weight to them. Let's use them for the greater good, shall we?

Breastfeeding Woes

I have been breastfeeding since Anna-Lee was born on June 28, 2005. Through two full term pregnancies. I tandem nursed for six months after Reese was born and for two months after Lucy was born. I've been through pump incompatibility resulting in recurrent plugged ducts, an 8 month battle with thrush (that caused a 1lb weight loss in Reese), and the normal pains of nursing while pregnant. None of these things ever made me think of stopping breastfeeding.

However, I'm in the midst of the most draining string of nursing troubles. Troubles that make me see why giving up is so tempting to so many moms. It started July 4th. I had mastitis. No big deal. It was on the left side, which is the side I rarely have problems with. But my immune system was weak, I'd had surgery 13 days before. I took garlic and felt better in a few days. A week and a half later, I had some gallbladder sttacks. They lasted a week. During that time I could hardly eat, which tanked my milk supply. So I was nursing a ton to get it back up. I got a plugged duct on the right side which caused another round of mastitis and a milk bleb. Which causes the duct behind it to keep plugging. It'll keep releasing then reforming. Even with taking lecithin, nursing on demand, heating packs, etc. We saw a breastfeeding doctor last week and the bleb had went away but returned last night.

I am getting so discouraged. I'm doing all the right things and none of it seems to be working. This is the first time I can see formula as tempting. Me, who has nursed two kids into toddlerhood. I won't go the formula route. But I'm considering giving up nursing on the right side. The pain is awful. Even worse is the relief I get when the bleb goes away, the duct unplugs, and all is well for a few days only to wake up with it starting all over again. I'm calling the doctor again tomorrow. And, if she thinks it will help, I will yet again make the 60 mile one way trip to see her. I am not giving up on breastfeeding. Not yet. I admit, if Lucy were older than 4 months, I would probably give it more consideration. Then again, breastfeeding hasn't been optional for our family since a few weeks after Anna-Lee was born. And my stubborn streak is a wide one. So if we were to give up, it would only be after one hell of a fight.

This battle does make me a lot more understanding of women who DO give up when faced with challenges. I'm lucky to be staying home right now and to have a supportive partner. If I were dealing with a demanding job, regular pumping, a husband who didn't share my strong opinions on breastfeeding importance, and a tribe of mamas who have helped make breastfeeding my norm, I probably wouldn't have nursed the older girls as long as I did or continue to fight through these blebs.