Music and Pictures and Midwives, oh my!

This past week, I took my Lucy to her second concert. Her first was a Casting Crowns show at 2 weeks old. This was a heavy metal festival that I took my little sister to. It was 4 bands, and we were there 6 hours (4 hrs of music). All outdoors. Now at the indoor concert we used earplugs and had a folded receiving blanket around her ears. She was also was in the Ergo, which added a couple layers of a strong canvas over her ears as well. Well, for this outdoor concert I didn't do any of that. We were outside, and chose a spot on the lawn that wasn't close to the stage and was to the side of the speakers to allow for sound dispersal. Frankly, the Hanson concert I had attended (without baby) earlier in the month was much, much louder than this metal show was due to the sound distribution and our location on the grounds.

I did my research before taking a baby to a concert. My oldest went to a show just shy of 2 months. We always make sure if we are in an enclosed location that proper ear protection is used. My own mother suffers from hearing loss, so its not something I am cavalier about. I do not feel after the research that I've done that I am putting my kids through any kind of danger.

So, you can imagine my surprise when my little sister, Lucy, and I were accosted at this show. We were on a quilt on the lawn and using the quilt as needed to block the sun from Lucy (same as we would've been doing in the backyard at home had we not been at the show...it was a nice day after a week of hellacious heat indexes). An older woman started yelling at me, saying I had no business bringing a child there (she was there with her own, albeit preteen, child), and that a mother needed to learn to make sacrifices and not be so selfish as to harm their child for their own pleasure. Wow. I calmly explained it would be more harmful to leave my child away from my lactating breasts and that I have three happy, healthy, thriving children so I think I'm doing just fine raising them as I see fit. Visually unsatisfied with my lack of emotional response, she huffed off angrily. My little sister asked why I didn't get angry AT the woman, because I was visibly upset after she walked off.

I explained to her an important lesson. One that the lady, and many need to know. Some people will ALWAYS need to belittle others to boost their own ego. They need to point out the flaws of others in order to overlook their own insecurities. Perhaps she was having a bad day and trying to cut a seemingly young, new mother down was going to be her easy fix to get her jollies and feel better. But, the lesson is this: be confident in yourself and do what you know is right for you and yours, and those people can't get to you. They can try, and they will try. And yes, it upsets me when they do simply because I don't like being exposed to rudeness, ignorance, and immaturity. But as long as you are 100% ready to stand by your choices, its best to not let those people ruffle your feathers. It gives them what they want and encourages them to spread their toxicity to others. Make the cycle stop with you. Maybe that lady simply moved on and was mean to someone else. But maybe, just maybe, not getting a rise out of me made her think before attacking someone else. I hope it did.

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Lately, the need for creative expression has become more important to me. I haven't really done anything creative since my oldest was born some 5 years ago. This is a lifetime for me. Before that I played piano, journaled (not online, but pen to paper), took pictures, acted a little, sang in chior, etc. I had been using massage therapy as a creative outlet. But my wrist issues had that on the backburner as well. I was stagnating. This pent up creative energy was threatening to explode out of me like a volcano bubbling beneath Earth's surface.

I bought a $1 composition notebook. I've written 3 short poems and a few lines of stream of consciousness writing. All of it fit on one page. But it calmed the bubbling lava within me. Then, I busted our my camera. Shooting candids of the kids. Playing with focus, aperture, and cropping. Its made me feel renewed. I'm currently doing a photo shoot for my little sister. We got some amazing nature shots today, and will be heading downtown to do some in an urban setting later this week. Its great to have a creative outlet I am passionate about and that comes naturally to me.

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Speaking of passions; I've decided its time to actively persue a midwifery education. Its time. I've looked at my options. I am vehemently uninterested in persuing a degree in nurse midwifery. There are amazing CNMs out there, and we need more great ones. But I'm not supposed to be one of them. I'm still figuring out my personal feelings on licensure for non-nurse midwives. I can see good and bad in both options. That being said we don't have a lot of education options to begin with, and less where I live, an area currently unfriendly to DEMs and C/LPMs. Of the distance options, there were two that I could realistically consider, given the financial and travel obligations. I'm still in the process of deciding for sure, but am currently leaning towards a program in Michigan.

This isn't my only option. Another local 'birthy' mama who I feel honored to call a friend is using self directed learning to work toward practicing as a DEM. I have so much respect for her. I know the discipline self teaching takes. And I just don't have that in me to give right now. I need the structure and guidance because otherwise I become too easily overwhelmed and wind up never making forward progress.

Because of the fact that neither of these schools participate in financial aid programs, I will be paying out of pocket. and working full-time in order to do so. Its a sacrifice, but one I feel compelled to make. Women need options for providers who will give them, their bodies, and their babies the respect they deserve during such a vulnerable, miraculous time in their lives. Especially women in our area. I feel excited and honored and humbled knowing that in just a few years I may be that option for some of these women.