Things are finally getting back to normal following the miscarriage. I say finally, because it hasn't just been grieving and coping that's been going on. At the same time I was miscarrying, I had a major sinus infection that landed me in the ER needing IV fluids for dehydration.
Then a week or so later we all wound up sick. Well, the girls and I at least. We had sore throats and coughs. My husband wound up unscathed until that weekend, when the girls and I were feeling better. Suddenly he was sick. Just very achy. He wound up coming home from work almost immediately, unable to do his job from being sore and coughing. He's been under the weather this entire past week, but Friday wound up feeling much better. Then Saturday came. He'd slept all day (works overnight). Then when I woke him to get ready for work he was coughing severely, very sore, and his fever was back after a 3-4 day period without one. Just looking at him you could tell he was 'off' so we called my mom to come sit with the girls and headed to the ER. Which is where I was wishing I'd woken him up a bit earlier, as we got poor treatment from the triage nurse since it wasn't technically an emergency that brought us in, combined with the fact that DH currently has no primary doctor. He woke up after the urgent care places had closed or we would have been there! Thankfully even though it was the weekend they weren't busy and the doctor and nurse in the actual treatment room were very nice. He has sever bronchitis and the antibiotics and inhaler are working well. He woke up this morning and was like a new person. Still not 100%, but on the way to getting there.
I'm back in school. This term, which is six weeks for our program, is very hectic. Normally as a full-time student I would have two classes. One on Mondays and Wednesdays, and one on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This term to make up my exercise training (which I left due to the miscarriage), I am taking two classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays in addition to my Monday/Wednesday class. It is very stressful, as I'm gone pretty much all day on those days. I have to leave home by 1, which will be by noon during the upcoming College World Series, and then have exercise class from 1:30pm-5pm. I leave the gym at 5 and find something to eat. I've been just grabbing whatever I can. Which is not a good option and usually leaves me feeling bad because whatever I can grab is generally junk food! Then I'm in class again from 6pm-9:30pm. I get home at 10pm, just in time to get the girls ready for bed, if they aren't already asleep. I hate missing out on so much of their week, but there are only four more weeks of this, which means 8 days. I am trying to handle it as best as I can.
The most exciting part of the hectic schedule is that my exercise training class has turned me into a (wannabe) runner. I love the feeling I get at the gym, and love going there. But I know that I can't afford a gym membership or the gas to drive to the gyms I can afford! So I needed to find a workout that I can do at home and is cheap with little equipment since our tiny house is full. Running came to mind immediately. I do have a treadmill that I inherited from my grandpa in our garage. It is in great condition and works well, despite being a bit older. So when the weather isn't great I can use it. Otherwise I've taken to running around our small town. It is nice not having to worry about running after dark. Which is when I prefer to run becaue I'm not a fan of summer heat! I'm working on building my endurance, only being able to run short distances right now. But I run as far as I can then walk, then run again when I can. Sometimes I take the kids, sometimes I leave them home if there is someone here. My plan is to switch to running in the early morning with our lab after my husband gets home from work. I get exercise, the dog gets her exercise which will hopefully keep her calm the rest of the day, and everyone is happy. It's a great feeling to know your body is getting stronger and to feel that happening!
The more I run, the more amazed I am at the body God has given us. And the more ashamed I am for having gone so long not even caring the slightest bit about taking care of this body. I've only got the one, after all! With that in mind I'm definitely making a bigger effort to live out the practices I know I need to. Limiting refined foods, eating more at home. Eating more local foods, fresh foods especially. Working out. Not to look good, not to push myself (even though they are HUGE motivators for me!), but simply to live. When I exercise, when I eat right I feel a difference in my body. And a good difference!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Baby number 3 was not meant to be. At least not at this time. I found out last Monday that I was having another miscarriage. While I wish I could change the outcome, I have accepted what is happening. I am coming to this loss with much greater faith in God than I have past losses. Miscarriage is a part of my life. It is not a happy part, nor is it a celebrated part. But, it is there and I accept it. My husband and I have both decided that our family is up to God. And, while I plan on making changes to help improve my fertility, we know that by leaving this in His hands we open ourselves up not only to more children if He so desires, but to more losses as well. We learn from each of those losses. Learn to appreciate our children even when they are driving up crazy. We learn to see our family as the blessing that it is. And we learn a lot about ourselves as parents. It opens us up to really examine ourselves and see where we need to change.