Life, like always, is rapid, fast-paced, and hectic. And I am learning to love each minute of it for what it is, not what I would like it to be.
Friday my parents' 31 year marriage officially came to an end. It had been over since December of last year, on their 31 year anniversary to be exact. I am grateful that the process is behind our family, and hopeful that I can start rebuilding my relationship with my parents as individuals instead of as a part of our family unit. Especially my dad. My mother and I have always been extremely close. My dad worked nights and wasn't around when he was home, so in many ways my life was similar to that of a child raised by a single mother.
My dad and I have had a strained relationship for most of my life. We never spent quality time together when I was growing up, and it was like living in the house with a stranger most of the time. I have, however, always respected the fact that he worked so hard to provide a good home life for our family. And when my mom's parents were dying, my dad was right there at their bedsides helping to care for them. I will always, always have tremendous respect for him for that. To use a popular term, he really "manned up" at that time. Then there are things about him that I cannot respect. But, there is always love there. And I feel that as sad as divorce is, it will give him and I a chance to start our father/daughter relationship over. I hope it will.
Last week I also was seen for my wrist. The pain was getting worse, and especially the numbness in my last two fingers. There are times where the pain is absolutely unbearable. Times that makes this natural-birthing mama want a wrist epidural if such a thing were to exist! My orthopedic doctor has me wearing a cast-like splint to bed for a couple of weeks to see if it helps release a nerve. If that doesn't work we'll look at other treatment options, up to and possibly including surgery.
Of course, with this going on, I haven't been able to do massages. And I was scheduled to start a hands-on massage class July 6th. One that included learning a 90 minute massage. If trying to give my husband a simple Swedish back massage can reduce me to tears, a 90 minute full body massage will definitely leave me doubled over in pain. So, with lots of prayers, lots of trepidation, and a giant leap of faith I made the painful decision to leave massage school. Whether this is a permanent thing or not is something that is only known by the Savior, and will be revealed to me when the time is right.
Now that I am not in massage school, I needed to figure out what I was going to do. I got my job back at the portrait studio. The studio location that I was originally at and that I adore working at. I am planning on beginning classes for a nursing program in the fall. I'd always intended on becoming a midwife sometime after massage school, so that just got moved up.
Things are changing, and I'm not usually good with changes. There has been a lot of prayer and a lot of faith going on to get me here. Now it's just waiting to see what these changes mean in the long term.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
A hodge-podge of topics
Things are finally getting back to normal following the miscarriage. I say finally, because it hasn't just been grieving and coping that's been going on. At the same time I was miscarrying, I had a major sinus infection that landed me in the ER needing IV fluids for dehydration.
Then a week or so later we all wound up sick. Well, the girls and I at least. We had sore throats and coughs. My husband wound up unscathed until that weekend, when the girls and I were feeling better. Suddenly he was sick. Just very achy. He wound up coming home from work almost immediately, unable to do his job from being sore and coughing. He's been under the weather this entire past week, but Friday wound up feeling much better. Then Saturday came. He'd slept all day (works overnight). Then when I woke him to get ready for work he was coughing severely, very sore, and his fever was back after a 3-4 day period without one. Just looking at him you could tell he was 'off' so we called my mom to come sit with the girls and headed to the ER. Which is where I was wishing I'd woken him up a bit earlier, as we got poor treatment from the triage nurse since it wasn't technically an emergency that brought us in, combined with the fact that DH currently has no primary doctor. He woke up after the urgent care places had closed or we would have been there! Thankfully even though it was the weekend they weren't busy and the doctor and nurse in the actual treatment room were very nice. He has sever bronchitis and the antibiotics and inhaler are working well. He woke up this morning and was like a new person. Still not 100%, but on the way to getting there.
I'm back in school. This term, which is six weeks for our program, is very hectic. Normally as a full-time student I would have two classes. One on Mondays and Wednesdays, and one on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This term to make up my exercise training (which I left due to the miscarriage), I am taking two classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays in addition to my Monday/Wednesday class. It is very stressful, as I'm gone pretty much all day on those days. I have to leave home by 1, which will be by noon during the upcoming College World Series, and then have exercise class from 1:30pm-5pm. I leave the gym at 5 and find something to eat. I've been just grabbing whatever I can. Which is not a good option and usually leaves me feeling bad because whatever I can grab is generally junk food! Then I'm in class again from 6pm-9:30pm. I get home at 10pm, just in time to get the girls ready for bed, if they aren't already asleep. I hate missing out on so much of their week, but there are only four more weeks of this, which means 8 days. I am trying to handle it as best as I can.
The most exciting part of the hectic schedule is that my exercise training class has turned me into a (wannabe) runner. I love the feeling I get at the gym, and love going there. But I know that I can't afford a gym membership or the gas to drive to the gyms I can afford! So I needed to find a workout that I can do at home and is cheap with little equipment since our tiny house is full. Running came to mind immediately. I do have a treadmill that I inherited from my grandpa in our garage. It is in great condition and works well, despite being a bit older. So when the weather isn't great I can use it. Otherwise I've taken to running around our small town. It is nice not having to worry about running after dark. Which is when I prefer to run becaue I'm not a fan of summer heat! I'm working on building my endurance, only being able to run short distances right now. But I run as far as I can then walk, then run again when I can. Sometimes I take the kids, sometimes I leave them home if there is someone here. My plan is to switch to running in the early morning with our lab after my husband gets home from work. I get exercise, the dog gets her exercise which will hopefully keep her calm the rest of the day, and everyone is happy. It's a great feeling to know your body is getting stronger and to feel that happening!
The more I run, the more amazed I am at the body God has given us. And the more ashamed I am for having gone so long not even caring the slightest bit about taking care of this body. I've only got the one, after all! With that in mind I'm definitely making a bigger effort to live out the practices I know I need to. Limiting refined foods, eating more at home. Eating more local foods, fresh foods especially. Working out. Not to look good, not to push myself (even though they are HUGE motivators for me!), but simply to live. When I exercise, when I eat right I feel a difference in my body. And a good difference!
Then a week or so later we all wound up sick. Well, the girls and I at least. We had sore throats and coughs. My husband wound up unscathed until that weekend, when the girls and I were feeling better. Suddenly he was sick. Just very achy. He wound up coming home from work almost immediately, unable to do his job from being sore and coughing. He's been under the weather this entire past week, but Friday wound up feeling much better. Then Saturday came. He'd slept all day (works overnight). Then when I woke him to get ready for work he was coughing severely, very sore, and his fever was back after a 3-4 day period without one. Just looking at him you could tell he was 'off' so we called my mom to come sit with the girls and headed to the ER. Which is where I was wishing I'd woken him up a bit earlier, as we got poor treatment from the triage nurse since it wasn't technically an emergency that brought us in, combined with the fact that DH currently has no primary doctor. He woke up after the urgent care places had closed or we would have been there! Thankfully even though it was the weekend they weren't busy and the doctor and nurse in the actual treatment room were very nice. He has sever bronchitis and the antibiotics and inhaler are working well. He woke up this morning and was like a new person. Still not 100%, but on the way to getting there.
I'm back in school. This term, which is six weeks for our program, is very hectic. Normally as a full-time student I would have two classes. One on Mondays and Wednesdays, and one on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This term to make up my exercise training (which I left due to the miscarriage), I am taking two classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays in addition to my Monday/Wednesday class. It is very stressful, as I'm gone pretty much all day on those days. I have to leave home by 1, which will be by noon during the upcoming College World Series, and then have exercise class from 1:30pm-5pm. I leave the gym at 5 and find something to eat. I've been just grabbing whatever I can. Which is not a good option and usually leaves me feeling bad because whatever I can grab is generally junk food! Then I'm in class again from 6pm-9:30pm. I get home at 10pm, just in time to get the girls ready for bed, if they aren't already asleep. I hate missing out on so much of their week, but there are only four more weeks of this, which means 8 days. I am trying to handle it as best as I can.
The most exciting part of the hectic schedule is that my exercise training class has turned me into a (wannabe) runner. I love the feeling I get at the gym, and love going there. But I know that I can't afford a gym membership or the gas to drive to the gyms I can afford! So I needed to find a workout that I can do at home and is cheap with little equipment since our tiny house is full. Running came to mind immediately. I do have a treadmill that I inherited from my grandpa in our garage. It is in great condition and works well, despite being a bit older. So when the weather isn't great I can use it. Otherwise I've taken to running around our small town. It is nice not having to worry about running after dark. Which is when I prefer to run becaue I'm not a fan of summer heat! I'm working on building my endurance, only being able to run short distances right now. But I run as far as I can then walk, then run again when I can. Sometimes I take the kids, sometimes I leave them home if there is someone here. My plan is to switch to running in the early morning with our lab after my husband gets home from work. I get exercise, the dog gets her exercise which will hopefully keep her calm the rest of the day, and everyone is happy. It's a great feeling to know your body is getting stronger and to feel that happening!
The more I run, the more amazed I am at the body God has given us. And the more ashamed I am for having gone so long not even caring the slightest bit about taking care of this body. I've only got the one, after all! With that in mind I'm definitely making a bigger effort to live out the practices I know I need to. Limiting refined foods, eating more at home. Eating more local foods, fresh foods especially. Working out. Not to look good, not to push myself (even though they are HUGE motivators for me!), but simply to live. When I exercise, when I eat right I feel a difference in my body. And a good difference!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Praise you in this storm...
Baby number 3 was not meant to be. At least not at this time. I found out last Monday that I was having another miscarriage. While I wish I could change the outcome, I have accepted what is happening. I am coming to this loss with much greater faith in God than I have past losses. Miscarriage is a part of my life. It is not a happy part, nor is it a celebrated part. But, it is there and I accept it. My husband and I have both decided that our family is up to God. And, while I plan on making changes to help improve my fertility, we know that by leaving this in His hands we open ourselves up not only to more children if He so desires, but to more losses as well. We learn from each of those losses. Learn to appreciate our children even when they are driving up crazy. We learn to see our family as the blessing that it is. And we learn a lot about ourselves as parents. It opens us up to really examine ourselves and see where we need to change.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Sweet Surprise!
Last week my husband and I found out we are expecting baby #3!!! This came as a bit of a shock, but a very welcome, very happy one. We're happy and confident- I have experienced none of the same hormone issues as I did when we had our miscarriages. I've also gotten a hefty dose of morning sickness, which while unpleasant, leads me to believe this baby is around for the long haul. Good thing we went for the minivan over a sedan when we bought a vehicle two months ago! :)
We're excited to have a birth in our new home. And I find that this time I'm much more relaxed, even though I'm not very far along. We have very little to buy; maybe a new double stroller, a few diapers (we have most of what we need, just adding in some new brands we've discovered), and preferrably a new bathtub before the birth! I'd like one like in my mom's house- it was perfect for birthing in. We have slings, we have a carseat, we have a trundle bed for our oldest so she can still be in our room but the baby and the youngest can be in bed with us.
Thankfully, I'm in my exercise training class. I'm looking forward to seeing the positive effects of staying fit and active during pregnancy. I've been pretty sedentary in the past two pregnancies due to hyperemesis with the first and pubic symphsis disorder in the second. Staying consistent with chiropractor visits and my cravings for veggies should be enough to make labor and all even easier this time around!
I'm currently at 5 weeks, and am due in December.
We're excited to have a birth in our new home. And I find that this time I'm much more relaxed, even though I'm not very far along. We have very little to buy; maybe a new double stroller, a few diapers (we have most of what we need, just adding in some new brands we've discovered), and preferrably a new bathtub before the birth! I'd like one like in my mom's house- it was perfect for birthing in. We have slings, we have a carseat, we have a trundle bed for our oldest so she can still be in our room but the baby and the youngest can be in bed with us.
Thankfully, I'm in my exercise training class. I'm looking forward to seeing the positive effects of staying fit and active during pregnancy. I've been pretty sedentary in the past two pregnancies due to hyperemesis with the first and pubic symphsis disorder in the second. Staying consistent with chiropractor visits and my cravings for veggies should be enough to make labor and all even easier this time around!
I'm currently at 5 weeks, and am due in December.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
My personal challenge!
I decided to weigh myself on Thursday before my exercise training class. Big mistake! Or great idea since it's motivating. I weigh the same as I did when I graduate high school/got married. Its my heaviest weight ever. Back then, I had a reasonable excuse. I was working my butt off to graduate while running my mom's home daycare and coping with the fatal illnesses and subsequent deaths of both my grandparents. Yep, I can forgive myself for not thinking about what I was eating at the time. Heck, it was such a stressful time that I still have very few memories of an entire six month period! Including my own wedding!!!
But now? Now there's no excuse. I was 20 pounds lighter than this when I got pregnant with my youngest. And I had gotten down to just five pounds over that after she was born. So, I've gained 15 pounds! NOT good. I'm giving myself a reasonable goal. I would prefer to lose it all by my oldest's birthday at the end of June, but will be happy enough if I lose it by my birthday in mid-July.
To help aid me in this goal, I am personally challenging myself to complete 30 workouts in 30 days. I've decided that any activity that gets my heartrate up and helps me break a sweat for at least 30 minutes counts. This includes workout DVDs, walks with the girls, my gym time for school, even doing basics like jumping jacks, crunches, lunges, etc. But for my own personal sanity of keeping track, it has to be 30 consecutive minutes. This is a biggie for me. If I tried to keep track of 3 ten minute bursts of activity, I'd wind up cheating without meaning to.
Along with 30 workouts, I'm also challenging myself to have 30 green smoothies in 30 days. I've been a longtime reader of Sara's blog, and have heard her preach the green smoothie gospel. And I've tried to get on board, making green smoothies in the past. I love the taste, and feel better when I'm drinking them. I finally have a good blender, too. That definitely helps! My little ones loving them helps too!
Of course, most people get fit for themselves. And that's a big factor for me. I want to feel better, to look better. But, my biggest motivator is to set a good example for my kids. I want them to have a mom who they see enjoying being active and enjoying eating healthy foods. I hate that right now I'm giving them healthy food while I nosh away on...let's face it, CRAP! That is not who I want to be. I'm a young mom, it's time I start feeling like one!!!
But now? Now there's no excuse. I was 20 pounds lighter than this when I got pregnant with my youngest. And I had gotten down to just five pounds over that after she was born. So, I've gained 15 pounds! NOT good. I'm giving myself a reasonable goal. I would prefer to lose it all by my oldest's birthday at the end of June, but will be happy enough if I lose it by my birthday in mid-July.
To help aid me in this goal, I am personally challenging myself to complete 30 workouts in 30 days. I've decided that any activity that gets my heartrate up and helps me break a sweat for at least 30 minutes counts. This includes workout DVDs, walks with the girls, my gym time for school, even doing basics like jumping jacks, crunches, lunges, etc. But for my own personal sanity of keeping track, it has to be 30 consecutive minutes. This is a biggie for me. If I tried to keep track of 3 ten minute bursts of activity, I'd wind up cheating without meaning to.
Along with 30 workouts, I'm also challenging myself to have 30 green smoothies in 30 days. I've been a longtime reader of Sara's blog, and have heard her preach the green smoothie gospel. And I've tried to get on board, making green smoothies in the past. I love the taste, and feel better when I'm drinking them. I finally have a good blender, too. That definitely helps! My little ones loving them helps too!
Of course, most people get fit for themselves. And that's a big factor for me. I want to feel better, to look better. But, my biggest motivator is to set a good example for my kids. I want them to have a mom who they see enjoying being active and enjoying eating healthy foods. I hate that right now I'm giving them healthy food while I nosh away on...let's face it, CRAP! That is not who I want to be. I'm a young mom, it's time I start feeling like one!!!
Friday, April 10, 2009
God is in the...cardio!?!?!
I am currently enrolled in an Exercise Training course through my school. This is a required course, and involves around 2-2.5 hours in a local gym twice a week. The breakdown winds up being 30 minutes cardio, around and hour and a half weight training (working in pairs, so it takes longer), and 30 minutes hydro work (hot tub/pool exercise/steam room). I barely made it out of the first class, our pre-fitness test, alive. However, I wasn't quite as sore afterwards as I had expected.
I finished the second class tonight. It was wonderful! I love exercising, but have always lacked the motivation to get started. So, being "forced" to do it is really great for me. Its also some time where I really get to just dive inside of myself. As a busy mom, I so rarely get that opportunity.
Tonight I was on the elliptical machine (oh, how I love those things!), and was planning on listening to my mp3 player. The battery died after one song. I saw Michael J. Fox on CNN so instantly tried to plug in to hear his interview (my dad has Parkinson's, so I am always interested when MJF is on TV speaking about new research, etc). My receiver on the machine was very static-y and giving me a headache as I tried to listen. So, I found myself doing something I so rarely do.
I unplugged. I had no cell phone, no internet, no TV. Nothing around me for 30 glorious minutes. I just listened to myself. And I found myself reflecting on the Holy Week. The gift of salvation. The pain Christ endured to pay for MY sins. For all of our sins. I prayed a little. But mostly? Mostly I just worked out in peaceful silence, basking in His peaceful presence.
I realize that this is always there for me. He is always there for me. But I've decided that rather than always listening to my exercise playlist (I am going to be working out 7 days/week), I am downloading some bible passages and lessons to listen to. Its one of the rare peaceful moments I get, and I'm going to enjoy getting closer to the Father during that time.
I finished the second class tonight. It was wonderful! I love exercising, but have always lacked the motivation to get started. So, being "forced" to do it is really great for me. Its also some time where I really get to just dive inside of myself. As a busy mom, I so rarely get that opportunity.
Tonight I was on the elliptical machine (oh, how I love those things!), and was planning on listening to my mp3 player. The battery died after one song. I saw Michael J. Fox on CNN so instantly tried to plug in to hear his interview (my dad has Parkinson's, so I am always interested when MJF is on TV speaking about new research, etc). My receiver on the machine was very static-y and giving me a headache as I tried to listen. So, I found myself doing something I so rarely do.
I unplugged. I had no cell phone, no internet, no TV. Nothing around me for 30 glorious minutes. I just listened to myself. And I found myself reflecting on the Holy Week. The gift of salvation. The pain Christ endured to pay for MY sins. For all of our sins. I prayed a little. But mostly? Mostly I just worked out in peaceful silence, basking in His peaceful presence.
I realize that this is always there for me. He is always there for me. But I've decided that rather than always listening to my exercise playlist (I am going to be working out 7 days/week), I am downloading some bible passages and lessons to listen to. Its one of the rare peaceful moments I get, and I'm going to enjoy getting closer to the Father during that time.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I began classes back at school today. Man did it feel good to get back there! I am in Pathology on Mondays and Wednesday, with one of my favorite teachers. My Tues/Thurs class is the one that scares me. Exercise training. Yikes! I've been doing a couple of workout videos here at home, and endurance is not my strong suit. So I have no idea what to expect tomorrow. Hopefully it goes well. I need to call the doctor's office and get an inhaler before I go to class.
I am going to have to work harder to eat at home with my schedule so full. I have class Mon-Thurs from 6pm-10pm. Tuesdays from 2-11pm I also have my friend's little boy. Wed, Thurs, and Fri my husband is home during the day, which means we are usually working on something around the house or just hanging out as a family. Fridays I have my friend's son from 2-7:30pm and on Saturday from 7:30am-3:30pm.
I am not worrying about it as much this week, since I am finishing up my last week at the portrait studio as well. So things are extra crazy. I am looking up slow cooker recipes. Both for breakfast and supper. That way Kelton can have breakfast when he gets home, even if we aren't up yet. That is, if he'll eat what I make! He's the pickiest eater of us all. I have steel cut oats and know I've seen some recipes to make them in the slow cooker. Roasts are a huge family favorite as well.
I am getting impatient that I haven't gotten a reply from the city about keeping chickens. I'm almost to the point of taking their lack of interest as permission! I mean, they apparently don't care enough to fire off a quick "No! Don't do it" email. I plan on checking to see if the library has a copy of city code on file, and maybe giving one more call to city hall. Otherwise, I think once the weather is warmer and we've found a doghouse, we'll be in the backyard building a coop!
Speaking of weather- I am so ready for it to warm up! I love autumn, but not winter weather. And certainly not in April!!! Spring, where are you? Please hurry up and arrive; there are lots of us here in the Omaha area who are looking forward to getting out in the great outdoors and ejoying nature. And not risking hypothermia to do so. kthnxbai!
I am going to have to work harder to eat at home with my schedule so full. I have class Mon-Thurs from 6pm-10pm. Tuesdays from 2-11pm I also have my friend's little boy. Wed, Thurs, and Fri my husband is home during the day, which means we are usually working on something around the house or just hanging out as a family. Fridays I have my friend's son from 2-7:30pm and on Saturday from 7:30am-3:30pm.
I am not worrying about it as much this week, since I am finishing up my last week at the portrait studio as well. So things are extra crazy. I am looking up slow cooker recipes. Both for breakfast and supper. That way Kelton can have breakfast when he gets home, even if we aren't up yet. That is, if he'll eat what I make! He's the pickiest eater of us all. I have steel cut oats and know I've seen some recipes to make them in the slow cooker. Roasts are a huge family favorite as well.
I am getting impatient that I haven't gotten a reply from the city about keeping chickens. I'm almost to the point of taking their lack of interest as permission! I mean, they apparently don't care enough to fire off a quick "No! Don't do it" email. I plan on checking to see if the library has a copy of city code on file, and maybe giving one more call to city hall. Otherwise, I think once the weather is warmer and we've found a doghouse, we'll be in the backyard building a coop!
Speaking of weather- I am so ready for it to warm up! I love autumn, but not winter weather. And certainly not in April!!! Spring, where are you? Please hurry up and arrive; there are lots of us here in the Omaha area who are looking forward to getting out in the great outdoors and ejoying nature. And not risking hypothermia to do so. kthnxbai!
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